Archives For health

Help me out please?

Nae's Nest —  June 19, 2012 — 24 Comments

I am at home with a chemo cocktail hooked up to me right now.  I am feeling sick and sleepy.  I just woke up, decided to leave a quick note while in a chemo cloud.  I do not like it.-who would? 

I am drenched in sweat, nauseous, and thinking the process of dying can’t feel any  worse than this.

I am signing off now.  Don’t know when I’ll be back.  Chemo will continue nonstop until Thurs morning.

My questions:

Am I the only one who feels like this during chemo?  I think this is even worse than last time.  How did some of you feel?  Should I be like this? help

May 14, 2012

Dear Diary,

Thursday I will have a CT Scan.  My first scan of many more to come,  since having cancer removed from my liver.  (4 small tumors).  I will see my Doctor immediately following the scan for the results.

In my case, it spread from my colon, through my lymph nodes and into my liver.  In spite of  the chemo treatments I had.  My first experience with chemo, left me with severe nerve damage to my feet and to my internal organs.  All of my organs were damaged in some way or other and have quirks.  Primarily my digestive system.    I have lost much weight due to an inability to properly intake or digest food.    I was wearing size large, I now wear size small.  I was in size 16-I am now wearing size 7.

A group of cancer Doctors (each specializing in different areas of cancer/chemo/treatments agree another about of chemo would probably kill me.  Even though, a different a different set of meds would be used, they will not risk giving it too me.

So, knowing most patients in my shoes, would have received chemo in addition to surgery….well, obviously, my chances of the cancer returning are increased.  I also know I am in the final stages of this cancer.  Basically, this means, I am in need of a miracle.

For these reasons, my writings/musings reflect on faith/spiritualism.  I can not help but focus on life, death…the hereafter.  It gives me great comfort and I hope it may comfort someone else as well.

Today, I ask for healing prayers.  I ask for a miracle.  I ask all to pray my CT scan comes out clean with no sign of cancer.

Most everyday, I seem to end up having a “theme” for the day.  It has been anything from a cat to an angel to a frog.  It is never anything I plan.  It is something my writings, my inspirations of the day seem to focus on naturally.  Today, it seems to be a “witch”.

However, today it is not only a witch.  It is a special witch.  I see a “Yellow Witch”.  Yellow, because yellow is “my color”.  My favorite color, my favorite flower and my personality are “yellow”.  Yellow is sunshine, happiness and friendship.  A witch is magical and full of healing energy.

I am going to write about a little yellow witch.  She is a special cancer witch.  I want her to travel the internet.  I want her to find other cancer patients.  I want her to share her magical words and prayers.  Her miracle poetry.   I pray for God to touch us all through my little yellow witch.  I pray for a healing.  I pray for miracles.  I  pray whoever receives my little yellow cancer witch also receives the a healing miracle too.

Please God, touch all of us.  We are all fighting for out lives, we are all seeking to live.  We are all in our final hours.  We all seek Your healing.  Please, whether through our medications, our surgeries, our Doctors or directly through your miraculous blessings, I pray…..we all pray collectively for a healing, a little yellow miracle.

Get Used To It

Nae's Nest —  April 23, 2012 — Leave a comment

I am having one of those days

Everyone run, everyone hide

I will smack the nearest victim

You had better not, be by my side

Be very patient

I need to vent a little bit

Don’t talk, don’t breathe

Just take it, for the hell of it

It is all your fault

Whatever it is

Get used to it

That’s the way it is

If you want to live

Just sit there and smile

Take all of the abuse

It will end after a while

You will not win

Get used to it

I will rip you to shreds

And treat you like shit

Give me your shoulder

Don’t be afraid

Do as I tell you

And you might get laid

I just want to cry

While you hold me close

And blow snot on your shoulder

Where I wipe my nose

I am feeling much better

You look like shit

You need some first aid

And some ice for that split

Renee Robinson

Reaching Up

Nae's Nest —  April 22, 2012 — 3 Comments

Reaching up to get me

Wanting to pull me down

I hear them moaning

Crying, pitiful cries

Trying to get out?

Reaching up for me

Not to get me

In need of help

But what can I do?

An open hand reaching for help

I can not turn away in a time of need

They do not mean any harm

Trouble came their way

In need of a hand

That’s all they want

They will not pull me down into the pit

They want lifted up

They want love

Would you open your heart?

Would you lend a hand?

I will do whatever I can

Again and again

Renee Robinson

There Is A Reason

Nae's Nest —  April 22, 2012 — 2 Comments

Falling to pieces

there is a reason

One chip at a time

Bit by bit

Crumbling

Smaller

and

smaller

smaller

*

Some days

I am unsure

How I got out of bed

Yet I am blessed

For the simple fact

That I did

*

there is a reason

My eyes were transplanted

Changing my views

Colors have changed

I can’t think

Of anything left untouched

This thing

The silent killer

I can detect him

When I am alone

All is quiet

I know where he is

If only I found him

With my old eyes

I could have been saved

But not any wise

*

I know there is something

Good in this thing

It is up to me

there is a reason

To find where it is

I think I have

Figured it out

Though I am not quite sure

*

I think he is here

Inside of my chest

Inside of my heart

Not to attack it or eat it away

there is a reason

Although he will

Should he get hungry

I know he hangs out in my chest

He listens to my heart as it beats

It is there

We make a connection

I understand

Why this affliction

*

He wanted me to see with new eyes

A larger heart

And to be much more wise

there is a reason

I outstretch my arms

Welcome all in

My heart has grown

There is plenty of room

I am not that smart

I do not have any talents

I am no one special

But I am here

To listen

To share

To hold

To care

To laugh

To live

To sing

To give

Endlessly

*

there is a reason

*

Just like love

I will make my mark

I will

*

*

*

BE

Renee Robinson

My Escape

Nae's Nest —  April 13, 2012 — 5 Comments

 

I awoke inside a dream

Into a land never seen

Completely lost inside the shuffle

Seem to be inside a bubble

Unable to grasp

What is before me

Searching for something

To absorb me

Wash me in color

Make me bright

Full of splendor

A wondrous sight

Give me wings

So I can fly

I want to be

A wonder

A butterfly

If only for a day

To bask in the sun

I’d like to

be special

A day of fun

I awake

I’ve lost my color

Blending with sheets

Walls

And bedcovers

Reality bites

In the form of a

shot

Fever setting in

Making me hot

Life or death

Could go either way

Magical dreams

Take me away

A small escape from

Beeping machines

Gowns without backs

That demean

Identities wrapped

Around a wrist

Quality of life

On hold for test

Looking forward

For more pills

And my escape

Under sleep’s spell

Closing my eyes

Silently pray

Magical land

Take me

Away

by Renee Robinson

Lay 117, Busted!

Nae's Nest —  April 10, 2012 — 6 Comments

Oh my gosh! Mom, I can explain!  It isn’t mine, I was holding it for a friend, (cough cough) really!

Are You Sleep Deprived ?

Nae's Nest —  April 10, 2012 — 1 Comment

Are You Sleep Deprived ?.

 

An interesting article on sleep deprivation.  I know I could use much more sleep than I am getting.  I seem to be writing when I should be sleeping.

I Can’t Breathe!

Nae's Nest —  April 9, 2012 — Leave a comment

Any got a forklift?

Silent Screams

Nae's Nest —  April 8, 2012 — 7 Comments
There is a difference
Between sobbing and crying
I never knew this until 
Faced with dyeing
*
So many emotions
Come into play
Bouncing back and forth
Day to day
*
I no longer recognize myself
I am tired and worn out
I am no longer needed
I silently shout
*
So much is kept inside
I am afraid I will never return
It upsets those I love
They are scared and concerned
*
Crying is a thing of the past
It is on the surface
Sobbing is much deeper
Penetrating below the interface
*
A makeover for the deranged
Leaving behind an ugly scar
Forever rearranged
A beauty queen
For the insane
*
This is a strain
That never goes away
The thought is with me constantly
Placing me in dismay
*
Mourning a death
Under investigation
The jury is out
It’s in litigation
*
Perhaps my mind is running away
Deciding it no longer wants me
I couldn’t blame it for doing so
Though the thought truly scares me
*
Writing keeps my mind in shape
At least that’s what I tell myself
It gives me a needed release
Silent screams as I pound my keys
*
Though I do not feel well
I typed until my tears dried 
I will blow my nose, and straighten up
Plunge forward and enjoy the ride
by Renee Robinson