Craving Life Nov 7, 2009
This morning I found the articles below about a beautiful woman, Jen Merendino and her husband, Angelo. Their story begins with Jen, newlywed of only 5 months, being diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. Like myself, they decided to document their story from the time of diagnosis until they reached the end of their journey Notice I do not refer to “her” journey. You see, Angelo shares Jen’s cancer as he helplessly walks this journey along with her. It is terminal. It is ongoing.
A few weeks ago, I decided to relive the beginning of my journey. I have traced back my steps and intend to dance through those steps all over again. This time around, I will be doing some editing, preparing and organizing in preparation for publishing. My story continues, however instead of one novel, I believe it will be a series.
Like a story, life has a beginning, a middle and an end. I am still dancing around the cadence of my story. My music can be heard within the beauty of nature. It is in the bird, in the wind, in the rain and in the crackle of a fire.
It is LIFE. I crave LIFE.
Excerpt 1 Dancing With Cancer:
Together we will dance, much like a puppet on strings.
I wear the mask of cancer.
Many before me have worn this mask.
We are family.
Cancer consumes us.
It is on our minds when we fall asleep.
It is on our minds when we awake.
Identity is lost.
We change physically.
We change emotionally.
We fight and are courageous
We cry and lose hope.
Cancer consumes us.
We share the same steps
The same moves
The same agony
Together we will dance, much like a puppet on strings.
I am disabled, due to stage 4 colon cancer. Since my diagnosis, I have self-published 4 poetry books which reflect the emotional ups and downs of the Face of Cancer.
Those with cancer are my family.
Those touched personally by the hand of cancer, are now my family.
We wear the same mask,
We share the same face,
We are consumed,
Cancer is our identity.
My poetry reflects these feelings, my current novel will reflect these feelings as well. We Are The Face of Cancer
Sometimes I truly believe I am dying. I fight depression and cancer on a daily basis. On Dec 9, 2009, I was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. It has spread to 1 lymph node (stage 3) and has gone through a few layers of the colon wall. There are 3 types of colon cancer. Type 1 is the least aggressive; type 3 is the most aggressive. Mine is type 1. Chemotherapy will be Jan 12. I have been told I may not lose my hair. I will most likely feel very ill.
The thought of losing my hair truly does not bother me.
Lose Hair, Win Life …. when you think of it this way ….losing all of your hair really seems insignificant.
My goal is to stay free of cancer for the next 5 years. Those lucky ones are officially considered to be cured. My surgeon is now my new best friend. I will see him every 3 months for the next 5 years. I will have bloodwork and other tests taken with each visit.
The dance is just beginning:
One morning I awoke with severe abdominal pain. I was currently suffering from a sinus, ear and respiratory infection. I also had the Flu. Thus, I believed the severe stomach cramps were just another horrible symptom. As the days progressed, I gradually recovered from my illness except for the ongoing abdominal pain. Finally, the pain became so bad, I could not stand or sit up. I stayed balled in a fetal position in bed. I went to the emergency room.
Initially, it was believed I was having a gall bladder attack. The pain centered just below my right breast and I had upper abdominal swelling. I was admitted to the hospital to prepare for emergency gall bladder surgery. Blood was drawn, CAT Scans, X-rays and a Cholescintigraphy or HIDA (scan of the gall bladder function) were all given. That evening, all of the test results were in. My gall bladder was in great health.
Puzzled, my surgeon began to ask more questions about my symptoms and family history. The following morning, before discharging from the hospital, I was scheduled to have both an Upper GI Endoscopy, and a lower Colonoscopy. It was rare for my Doctor to do both of the procedures at the same time, but in my case, he felt it was necessary. He explained that my symptoms which included terrible heartburn and diarrhea, made him think I had more than one problem. He felt it best to check my entire digestive system.
by Renee Robinson
And now on to the Merindino’s story:
Your Afternoon Cry: Photographer Hauntingly Documents Late Wife’s Battle With Breast Cancer
Five months after New Yorkers Angelo and Jen Merendino were married, Jen was diagnosed with breast cancer. As the next four years of treatment and medications passed, which left then-39-year-old Jen fatigued, in a walker, staying for long stints in the hospital.
With each challenge we grew closer. Words became less important. One night Jen had just been admitted to the hospital, her pain was out of control. She grabbed my arm, her eyes watering, “You have to look in my eyes, that’s the only way I can handle this pain.” We loved each other with every bit of our souls. Jen taught me to love, to listen, to give and to believe in others and myself. I’ve never been as happy as I was during this time.
Angelo, a photographer, began to document her (and their) trials with intimate, powerful shots initially meant for their friends and family. The result is a chronological series of photographs of Jen throughout the course of her illness: laughing, sleeping, grimacing with pain, pushing the painkiller drip, putting on makeup, swimming in the ocean.
My photographs show this daily life. They humanize the face of cancer, on the face of my wife. They show the challenge, difficulty, fear, sadness and loneliness that we faced, that Jennifer faced, as she battled this disease. Most important of all, they show our Love. These photographs do not define us, but they are us.
Jen passed away a year and a half ago of Stage IV breast cancer. If you’re not already crying,this blog post about an alert Jen set on Angelo’s phone for the 22nd of every month, just a short time before she passed away (“Jennifer thinks Angelo is hot!”), should do you in. Fucking devastating. The Battle We Didn’t Choose [My Wife's Fight With Breast Cancer] Resource:http://jezebel.com/angelo-merendino/ Photographer Angelo Merendino
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