cancer’s face | Nae's Nest

Nothing is what it appears

I look in the mirror

I see myself young

In my twenties

Is this true? Can it be?

Traveling back in time

Defying history

A second chance

Where are my sons?

Are they here?

They would be babies

Are they near?

I do not want a world without them

I won’t start all over without my boys

I must go back, there is no choice

How?

Closing my eyes

Turning away from the mirror

Praying…

I open my eyes

I had drifted to sleep

I look into the mirror

My eyes appear deep

Older, wrinkled

I begin to weep

I have aged

My skin is crinkled

My muscle is gone

I appear 20 years older

This is not time travel

I am now a soldier

This is cancer

It fed on my flesh

This the result of its hunger

My Doctors and I

Have fought a battle

We are determined to win the war

I am armed with Faith and Hope

Love ones and Angels

Cancer’s face, I deplore

We are strong

We will fight

We will win

We will soar

by Renee Robinson

Cancer's Face

September 1, 2010

Dear Diary,

I have been in remission for a couple of months now. I will have another “cancer” blood draw next month to make sure I am still in remission. I‘ll have these tests every 3 months for 5
years.

The biggest problem I have now is the neuropathy. I will have an EMG in a couple of weeks to determine how severe the nerve damage and to confirm whether my muscles have also been effected. It looks like the damage will be permanent which will put me on the “disabled” list, I worry about not being able to work.

I wonder what my future will hold. I am scared to think of growing old, being alone,and unable to pay my bills, I was working on a decent retirement plan with my previous employer, (I lost my job halfway through my chemo treatments). I never dreamed of being in this boat.

I have heard nightmare stories about how difficult it can be to draw disability. I don‘t think I have the strength to fight that battle. I have become so dependant. I am unable to drive. I have to depend of someone to take me to every appointment and treatment.

My writing has slowed. I have grown tired and weak and depressed. In July, I also found out my son was moving to Texas. I am unable to describe my despair.

I still can’t think of Daniel being in Texas without crying. I think I took this much harder than most mothers would due to my illness. I have feared never seeing him again. However, I hear a rumor that he is coming home for Thanksgiving. I can’t wait!